Tag Archives: heartbreak

I live in Denial

My lips curl in an involuntary curve
As my phone blinks to reveal your name
My heart glows a warm fire
As you write me a beautiful letter
In a hot summer afternoon, I live in denial,
As you draw me to you, inch after inch

As we tread softly, and slowly through
Word after word, universe after universe
And dream after dream, plan after plan
And as it becomes clear that we are a team
I live in denial, as you fill me with joy unbound
And leave me hoping for a happy forever

All the bright places we wander through
Dim out the monsters within us,
And the darkness that engulfed our past
And threatens to endanger our future
I live in denial about where it all starts
The potential of a you and me, and a here and now unrecognized.

As we preach about the phases of the human mind
And the beauty of the human kind
As we laugh about the clueless colleagues
And the stupidness of the grand scheme of things,
I live in denial about my feelings
About the impossibility of you and me.

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Ghosts

I remember when we were talking
About our lives, our dreams, our insecurities
I remember your distinct flavour
You’re a cinnamon roll, with a paprika piece
Not too sweet, just the right taste.

I remember how we kissed
For the very first time
Under the street lamps
On a New Moon night

Now I see your ghost
In every thing I do
When I’m watching a movie
About taciturn men;
When I’m reading a book
Doubting if therapy works:
When I’m crying tears
Hoping you’d hold me.

I see your ghost
In the strangers on the crowded subways
Who have the same hairstyle
And my broken laptop
That you knew how to fix.
When I want to score
The beatiful numbness.

I see your ghost
In stories that are funny
Because you’d have rolled your eyes at them
Now I look over and see plain white sheets
Impregnated with black ink
That mean nothing to me.

I see your ghost
In poems I write for other people
Before you and I were crafted
Into a beautiful melody
Before I gave my heart to you
Under the laurel tree.
Before you said you loved me
And you always will.

I see your ghost
Haunting my memories
In the darkest of hours
Haunting my dreams
In the most beautiful nightmares
Haunting my day
In the busiest of hours
Haunting my nights
In the whitest of sheets.

Your Shadow

Darkness set in, old friend,
That hour I slighted you
Your friends look at me
Mocking? Shocked?

“You’re my Silver Girl,
The life of my heart”

Heaven is where you are
Haven’t you known?

I only miss your shadows
Your heart too loving
The flesh and bones of you
Too true, too honest, too alive.

I desired fire, hell, spite
A whirlwind for passing time
Adrenaline to soothe
The emptiness of my soul.

Blank Slate City

I want to call you
To the city I want to explore on my own
The one I’ve never seen before
Where your memories haven’t splattered yet
Where nothing will remind me of you

No beaches we’ve made out on
No bridges we’ve called each other from
No subways spent arguing in
No coffee shops we’ve indulged in

I want to call you to this new place
And make memories with you
Because how can you be gone?
I shouldn’t be alone in a strange new place
With nothing but your shadows in my heart.

This city is a canvas I’m supposed to paint in
A Blank Slate I can write my own stories in
But all my stories have your ghosts in them
And without your dash of colour, my canvas will be black and white.

Every time we fight

Every time we fight it’s
Screaming, and crying,
And cool insults aimed
At piercing our souls

Every time we fight it’s
Doors shut banging
And our hearts shamed
Creating a love vacuum

Every time we fight it’s
A rainbow’s end
Breaths taken to cool our hot heads
And warm our cold hearts

Every time we fight it’s
A day feeling spent
In our pretty made up smiles
And our stomachs in knotts

Every time we fight, it’s also
Our best friends picking out
Their ensembles for our wedding
And suggesting China patterns

Every time we fight, it’s
Us falling harder in love
Knowing that You’re it, for me
And that we’ll never lose this love.

Your shadows

​Darkness set in, old friend,
That hour I slighted you
Your friends look at me
Mocking? Shocked?

“You’re my Silver Girl, 
The life of my heart”
Heaven is where you are
Haven’t you known?

I only miss your shadows
Your heart too loving
The flesh and bones of you
Too true, too honest, too alive.

I desired fire, hell, spite
A whirlwind for passing time
Adrenaline to soothe
The emptiness of my soul.

​I want to never come back to you
It’s just that I’m always feeling blue
With you, without you- it’s always the same
And your leaving always drives me insane!

How did I let it go out of hand?
You say you want to travel the country with your band
But you always come back home drunk
And love me wildly, like when we were young.

You dream of mountaintops, and of a beach-facing home
And the very next day, you bury them in a tomb
But I can see how much you care for me,
So I let you love me, and let you kiss me, and let you be.

I want to never come back to you,
But darling, your love is so true!
You’re trying so, so hard,
You’ve laid out all your cards!

You always come back, crying
And it’s so clear that you’re trying.
But it’s so hard for me to understand
Why you oscillate and just can’t land.
You make me cry every other day
It’s never my intention, you believingly say
But it’s so difficult, when I’m so tired
To see which parts of you I admire
When there’s an apocalypse in my world,
And everything gets washed out, in that whirl
Darling, you’d be the first one I let go
But you’d also be the one I miss the most.