Tag Archives: Friendship

Make believe

I live in a world of make believe
And pretense. The sky is always blue
The sun-warm as a McDonald’s hash brown
The river always flowing, the leaves jewelled with dew.

You are a blank canvas
I paint on with acrylic
My dreams tranquil
As the sound of the rain.

I wish you upon a star
And at eleven eleven
I give you my entire being
And you feel like heaven

Skin on beautiful skin
Fingers intertwined
Ghost of a smile in your eyes
And that’s how I know you’re mine.

But I live in a world of make believe
And you don’t really exist
You let my fantasies live
So how can I resist?


Love in Time

Before my bones turn to rust
And my skin to ashes
I’ve had the good fortune
To love you.

I’ve loved you
Before I knew you
Before I knew of love
Before I knew myself.

I’ve loved you
Before time was time
Before I was skin and bones
Before you were flesh and blood.

I’ve loved you
Before my humour
Before poetry
Before the stories of our childhood

I love you, I always have.
Today, more than yesterday
The blood in my veins
Wouldn’t be the same without you.

I love you, I always have.
Tomorrow, more than today
With my heart and soul
And I know you do too.

I will love you
When your body rots
In its burning grave
And I rewind our lives to the good parts.

I will love you
When tomorrows stop existing
And the stars engulf the earth
And the material remenants of our bodies

I will love you
After my bones turn to rust
And my skin to ashes
And we are nothing but a freckle in time.

The Grammar of Love.

We were supposed to be there
For each other till death, no?
Through heartbreaks
And divorces
And layoffs
And periods of darkness

We were supposed to laugh
And get waffles for the other
When we decided to die
Because cancer was here
To greet us to an early grave.

We were supposed to help the other
Run away from arranged marriages
And get tequila shots
And cig puffs
Before our weddings.

We were supposed to be godparents
To our children
And be roommates
In our old age homes
And marry off our children
Through our diabolic plans.

We we supposed to have
A hundred commas,
A million exclamation points
And an entire book
Of beautifully crafted poetry.

So why did you leave mid-sentence?

Being with you.

Darling, I have no words for you

How do I write about you?
You are a hurricane that hit my soul
When all I felt was blue
You waltz in, all true.

We’re a whirlwind, from our debut
A genesis that ends anew
But I don’t care, I don’t care
As long as I’m with you.

I want to go off the hook
So, your messages won’t come through
But how do I erase you from my skin
So, I get back, back with you

With you, it’s la vie en rose
A world where my roses bloom
But we’re sewn together with glue
And even your echo would do.

Happy Valentine’s Day to those who celebrate, I guess.

Twitter: @WallflowerBlack

Untouchable- Part 3

the smell of chickens
and cows and bulls
hit me as i reach
my grandmother’s house.

she lives alone
with the echoes of her past
haunting her.

her only friend is
the maid who now cooks
mid day meals to support herself.

the maid’s daughter married
an alcoholic to save herself from poverty
but came back running home
when she had a son

All these people
Getting divorces now
Back then we stuck to our spouses
In sickness and in health

My husband had cancer
And I stayed by his bedside
Till his last breath
Taking a sabbatical from work

Kunju ettan taught me
how to pick mangoes
and how to make manga chamandi
with a stone mortar

he taught me to play
catch, and seven stones
and to act for a play he’d written
about forbidden love

he teased me about boys
i was friends with
and girls i wasn’t

he told me to call him kunju
or vaishakh,
because ettan is too formal
i now know why.

he sat a bit away when we were eating
and my grandmother didn’t touch him
he had to throw his leaf elsewhere
and burn it to the ground.

every evening
my mother interrupted me
from our games
and i had to go
to our kollam
and have a bath
to rinse him away from my skin.

I live in Denial

My lips curl in an involuntary curve
As my phone blinks to reveal your name
My heart glows a warm fire
As you write me a beautiful letter
In a hot summer afternoon, I live in denial,
As you draw me to you, inch after inch

As we tread softly, and slowly through
Word after word, universe after universe
And dream after dream, plan after plan
And as it becomes clear that we are a team
I live in denial, as you fill me with joy unbound
And leave me hoping for a happy forever

All the bright places we wander through
Dim out the monsters within us,
And the darkness that engulfed our past
And threatens to endanger our future
I live in denial about where it all starts
The potential of a you and me, and a here and now unrecognized.

As we preach about the phases of the human mind
And the beauty of the human kind
As we laugh about the clueless colleagues
And the stupidness of the grand scheme of things,
I live in denial about my feelings
About the impossibility of you and me.


I remember when we were talking
About our lives, our dreams, our insecurities
I remember your distinct flavour
You’re a cinnamon roll, with a paprika piece
Not too sweet, just the right taste.

I remember how we kissed
For the very first time
Under the street lamps
On a New Moon night

Now I see your ghost
In every thing I do
When I’m watching a movie
About taciturn men;
When I’m reading a book
Doubting if therapy works:
When I’m crying tears
Hoping you’d hold me.

I see your ghost
In the strangers on the crowded subways
Who have the same hairstyle
And my broken laptop
That you knew how to fix.
When I want to score
The beatiful numbness.

I see your ghost
In stories that are funny
Because you’d have rolled your eyes at them
Now I look over and see plain white sheets
Impregnated with black ink
That mean nothing to me.

I see your ghost
In poems I write for other people
Before you and I were crafted
Into a beautiful melody
Before I gave my heart to you
Under the laurel tree.
Before you said you loved me
And you always will.

I see your ghost
Haunting my memories
In the darkest of hours
Haunting my dreams
In the most beautiful nightmares
Haunting my day
In the busiest of hours
Haunting my nights
In the whitest of sheets.